A Farm Table of Our Own, or Alternative Title: How It All Started

Part of the reason John and I fell in love with our house the first time we walked into it was because the previous owner was one stinkin’ cute interior designer.  We thought to ourselves—this house is darling!  Look how beautiful everything looks!  (I swear, John described the house as “darling!”) 

It occurred to me after we moved all of our things inside:  hmmm, it doesn’t look as nice as when her things were in here. 

Before we closed, we offered to purchase our favorite piece of furniture, the previous owner’s custom-made farm house table. 

I loved the way the apron and legs were white, but the top was finished a shade similar to the laminate.  It fit like a little glove into the dining “room” (really, it’s a nook).  How could I ever find anything that would look as perfect as that table did?  Please, please let us take that deliciously rustic custom farm table with sweet white tall-back chairs and matching bench off your hands!  Really—we’re doing you a favor! 

As you have probably guessed with the above predictable rising action, her answer was no.  She couldn't part with it. 

Snap. 

Then it came to me.  I could build a custom farm table!  I could find seating to boot!  I could save the day!!! 

I excitedly browsed the interweb for a plan.  And I found one, courtesy of Ana White.  As I couldn't contain my excitement for my very-first do-it-yourself-project-that-was-going-to-come-out-perfectly-this-time, my diarrhea of the mouth quickly splurted out my fool-proof plan to John.  WE can build a custom farm table!  SEEEEE?????  I was talking so fast, he couldn't keep up.  My flailing arms acted out the steps like a game of charades:  first, we buy some wood; then, we cut the wood, then, we put it together like this plan!  It’ll be so easy! 

Forget him!  My parents are coming to town in three weeks!  I’ll tell them of my fool-proof plan!  You can imagine my excitement when my dad loved my idea…and he was going to help me!  (Thank goodness, because I didn't know how to use a drill or tape measure). 

With Ana White’s plan as a starting point for inspiration, I talked to my father almost every day for the next couple of weeks, straightening out the kinks in our plan.  My job was to purchase the wood, stain, and paint supplies before he and my mom arrived.  He would provide the power tools, screws, and saw horses. 

Step One:  Purchase Wood for Table Top

Upon a recommendation from a guy we know who does wood-working as a hobby, I did not purchase wood for my table top from a home improvement store.  Instead, I went where the pros go:  to a local wood supply company. 

I pulled up to a giant warehouse in an industrial park.  I walked in, the lone non-commercial customer.  The monstrous building was filled from top to bottom with pallets of different cuts and kinds of wood.  Men in hard hats and fluorescent vests were driving fork lifts.  I strolled in and the record screeched to a halt.  A man wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and Timerland-style boots approached.  The conversation went something like this:

“Can I help you with something?”  (with an undertone of, honey I think you walked into the wrong place) 

“Ummm yeah.  Ummmmm I’m here to buy some wood.” 

Man stares blankly at me. 

I blink. 

Cricket, cricket.  Cricket, cricket. 

“What kind of wood?  For what?” 

“My dad and I are building a table.  I want it to look rustic.  With lots of knots and imperfections.  I want to get the wood for the table top here.” 

“OK…do you know what type of wood you want?”

“Ummmmmm Ummmmmm Ummmmmmm Ummmmmmm………” 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back with your dad?” 

Cricket cricket. 

My inner-monologue snapped me into reality:  I am a lawyer!  I passed the bar exam!  I speak in court on a daily basis!  I am not a coward!  I am not some idiot girl! 

“No, I can do this.” 

The nice flannelly-dressed wood supply guy suggested Poplar.  It was inexpensive, yet sturdy and knotty.  It didn’t cost much, he said, because most people want wood with no “flaws” in it.  “It’s like they don’t want it to even look like real wood.  Like it didn’t come from an actual tree.” 

I gasped.  Those nincompoops!  Flaws give the wood character.  Ah well, their loss, my gain. 

As he helped me choose pieces of poplar, we laid them flat on the ground and measured them, until the width was just over 36 inches.  The perfect size for my farm table.  I would cut down the length to six feet each later. 

And, behold, the $60 poplar table top: 

Boo Ya! 

Step Two:  Purchase Wood for Apron and Legs 

With my parents’ help, we came up with a plan using Ana White’s blue print as a template. 

The table top would be just over six feet long—there needed to be a bit of an overhang from the apron.  The apron would be made of 1x4.  I purchased three that were 6 feet long each.  Two would serve as the length of the apron.  The other piece we would cut in half for the head and foot of the table.  The supports would be made of 2x2.  I purchased three that were eight feet long each.  Pocket change for the untreated lumber. 

After going back and forth between using 2x2 or 2x4 for the table legs, I finally decided on pre-made spindles from Lowe’s.  They looked so finished.  Each leg was about $15, so the legs ended up being a little bit more expensive than I originally planned.  Still, this project was totaling about $140 so far.  In the world of custom made farm tables, this was what the professionals call el cheapo. 

Step Three:  Purchase Stain, Paint, and Wood Filler

Using the previous owner’s table as inspiration, I knew I wanted white legs and apron with a stained table top.  My original plan was to use a dark stain on the top, and then go over it with a white wash to tone it down a bit. 

I purchased this ebony stain.  I suppose the term “ebony” means “black,” but for some reason at the time that’s not what it meant to me.  I picked up a light stain called “pickled white” from Benjamin Moore to use as my white wash.  I also bought more oil-based-polyurethane than my entire neighborhood could use in a lifetime. 

Then, for the table legs and apron, after many weeks of agonizing over the right decision, I decided I wanted to try crackle paint. 

I purchased the crackle and also a flat white latex paint.  

To crackle, you start with a base coat of a darker color, add the crackle, then after that dries paint over in your choice of top coat.  My original brilliant plan was to stain the legs and apron, too, and then crackle over that.  STOP!  Don’t try that at home!  After further investigation, I found this to be a TERRIBLE IDEA.  You must use a latex-based paint, not stain, otherwise the crackle will not set. 

Therefore, I opted for a gray flat paint that was on clearance at Benjamin Moore. 

Crazy as it sounds, my friendly neighborhood Benjamin Moore paint store clerk gave me the same terrified look that John did when I told him I was building my own farm table.  Perhaps it was because I had just made stupid statements about using crackle on stain, giving myself away as a novice. 

“If you want it to look rustic, you’ll have to distress the wood a bit.  Maybe using sandpaper---“

“I’m going to beat it with a chain,” I blurted out, diarrhea of the mouth again, the clerk jumped back in aghast upon hearing my plan.    

What?  You don’t have a giant chain lying around your house?  Doesn't your spouse use chains to fasten large rubber plates around their waist for weighted pull-ups?  Oh….no…guess not. 

Well, my spouse does have a giant, rusty chain that he keeps for such non-violent purposes.  And that was how I planned to distress the table top. 

Now that my end of the bargain has been fulfilled, I patiently wait for my parents’ arrival while dreamily staring at the hole in my house where my soon-to-be-crafted-rustic-farm-table will sit and look perfect.