A Farm Table of Our Own: The Finishing Touches; or, alternatively, An Ode to Wood Filler in ABAB Form

Wood filler

Wood stain

Wood killer

Wood pain

Nope, I was not a poetry major. 

I don’t mean to be overly dramatic.  But there is something extremely important that I need to let you in on.  A secret known only to those who have experienced the same type of throbbing pain in their hearts as I, who have also been had by……….wood filler. 

After hours of painstaking perfection, after utilizing levels and squares, after sinking each screw, after painting and crackling the apron and the legs, after all of that was done…

We used wood filler to, well, fill the area above the screws so when we stained the table top, the top itself would be flat and smooth. 

We chose this wood filler made by Elmer’s:

Notice, here how it plainly states that this wood filler—the wood filler inside this very container—is alleged to be “STAINABLE.”  

Anne Taintor

As someone who had never used wood filler before, I assumed that one wood-filler-user simply takes a putty knife and, similar to filling holes in dry wall, just slops on some wood filler, then scraped it off with the putty knife.  It does not say to do any differently on the directions on the package. 

Thus, that’s just how I puttied…er…filled.  When the wood filler was finally dry—hurrah!  We get to stain the table top!  Finally!!! 

Upon opening the can of stain, I was originally concerned that the stain was too dark.  However, as I lathered on the first layer of stain, I was blown away at the way the ebony stain brought out the knots and imperfections in the wood.  It.  Looked.  So.  Freaking.  PERFECT!!!!!!!

But then I got to a spot where the “stainable” wood filler was covering a screw hole.  Painted right over the “stainable” wood filler.  Right over the top of it.  Hmm.  That’s odd.  It looked like this:

It. Looked. So. Freaking. TERRIBLE. 

My baby idea I birthed from my own womb and created with my own two hands.  It was ruined.  I was devastated.  (First world problem exhibit A:  when your custom made farm table for your recently built home in suburbia has halos around the screw holes) 

Upon further inquiry through internet searches, we found that this problem happens to everyone because no stainable wood filler companies include disclaimers on their stainable wood filler containers that their wood filler is not actually stainable.  It’s a CONSPIRACY.  The stainable wood filler companies echo in unison a maniacal laugh.  And they point, too.  The scoundrels.  

Undeterred, we pressed on.  We tried different tactics.  We first used sandpaper and sanded down the area by hand as hard as possible around the wood filler.  Basically what happened was the wood filler filled in the grain around the screw holes.  We sanded down the filler, trying to get below it.  That tactic did not work. 

We had other ideas that would have been failures as well.  Instead, we called in for reinforcements.  The big guns.  Our friend Matt, whose hobby is wood working, simply explained that the only thing we could do to fix it was to sand it completely down and start over. 

But…But…

Quivering lower lip

But…But…

Luckily for us, my next door neighbor happens to be a construction supply rep who owns every power tool known to man.  He gladly lent us his belt sander.  John and I alternated for the next hour or so—one using the belt sander to strip the stain off and get down to where the wood filler was not in the grain, and the other following behind with an orbital sander to smooth it out. 

Masks, protective eye wear, and ear plugs were implemented.  Warning:  when using belt sander, be sure to hold on TIGHTLY…you might fly away.  Photo of me almost flying away on belt sander not included. 

Once we finished sanding, we looked at the daunting task ahead of us.  Gulp.  As I slowly and methodically brushed on the stain, I worried to myself that it wasn’t going to work.  That all this hard work was for nothing.  But then…it took.  With no halos around the screw holes because the stainable wood filler tyrant was no more!  And look:

TA-DA!!!!!  A do-it-yourself rustic yet shabby chic farm table that will fit perfectly in our dining room and is even better than the previous owner’s because it was crafted by us with love.  And sweat.  And tears.  (Just kidding, I didn’t cry.  I swear.)   

And in conclusion, if I can save just one staining novice from this tragic not-so-stainable-wood-filler-catastrophe, then it was worth it.  I’m just a martyr for the cause.  You’re welcome.