A Farm Table of Our Own: The Finishing Touches; or, alternatively, An Ode to Wood Filler in ABAB Form

Wood filler

Wood stain

Wood killer

Wood pain

Nope, I was not a poetry major. 

I don’t mean to be overly dramatic.  But there is something extremely important that I need to let you in on.  A secret known only to those who have experienced the same type of throbbing pain in their hearts as I, who have also been had by……….wood filler. 

After hours of painstaking perfection, after utilizing levels and squares, after sinking each screw, after painting and crackling the apron and the legs, after all of that was done…

We used wood filler to, well, fill the area above the screws so when we stained the table top, the top itself would be flat and smooth. 

We chose this wood filler made by Elmer’s:

Notice, here how it plainly states that this wood filler—the wood filler inside this very container—is alleged to be “STAINABLE.”  

Anne Taintor

As someone who had never used wood filler before, I assumed that one wood-filler-user simply takes a putty knife and, similar to filling holes in dry wall, just slops on some wood filler, then scraped it off with the putty knife.  It does not say to do any differently on the directions on the package. 

Thus, that’s just how I puttied…er…filled.  When the wood filler was finally dry—hurrah!  We get to stain the table top!  Finally!!! 

Upon opening the can of stain, I was originally concerned that the stain was too dark.  However, as I lathered on the first layer of stain, I was blown away at the way the ebony stain brought out the knots and imperfections in the wood.  It.  Looked.  So.  Freaking.  PERFECT!!!!!!!

But then I got to a spot where the “stainable” wood filler was covering a screw hole.  Painted right over the “stainable” wood filler.  Right over the top of it.  Hmm.  That’s odd.  It looked like this:

It. Looked. So. Freaking. TERRIBLE. 

My baby idea I birthed from my own womb and created with my own two hands.  It was ruined.  I was devastated.  (First world problem exhibit A:  when your custom made farm table for your recently built home in suburbia has halos around the screw holes) 

Upon further inquiry through internet searches, we found that this problem happens to everyone because no stainable wood filler companies include disclaimers on their stainable wood filler containers that their wood filler is not actually stainable.  It’s a CONSPIRACY.  The stainable wood filler companies echo in unison a maniacal laugh.  And they point, too.  The scoundrels.  

Undeterred, we pressed on.  We tried different tactics.  We first used sandpaper and sanded down the area by hand as hard as possible around the wood filler.  Basically what happened was the wood filler filled in the grain around the screw holes.  We sanded down the filler, trying to get below it.  That tactic did not work. 

We had other ideas that would have been failures as well.  Instead, we called in for reinforcements.  The big guns.  Our friend Matt, whose hobby is wood working, simply explained that the only thing we could do to fix it was to sand it completely down and start over. 

But…But…

Quivering lower lip

But…But…

Luckily for us, my next door neighbor happens to be a construction supply rep who owns every power tool known to man.  He gladly lent us his belt sander.  John and I alternated for the next hour or so—one using the belt sander to strip the stain off and get down to where the wood filler was not in the grain, and the other following behind with an orbital sander to smooth it out. 

Masks, protective eye wear, and ear plugs were implemented.  Warning:  when using belt sander, be sure to hold on TIGHTLY…you might fly away.  Photo of me almost flying away on belt sander not included. 

Once we finished sanding, we looked at the daunting task ahead of us.  Gulp.  As I slowly and methodically brushed on the stain, I worried to myself that it wasn’t going to work.  That all this hard work was for nothing.  But then…it took.  With no halos around the screw holes because the stainable wood filler tyrant was no more!  And look:

TA-DA!!!!!  A do-it-yourself rustic yet shabby chic farm table that will fit perfectly in our dining room and is even better than the previous owner’s because it was crafted by us with love.  And sweat.  And tears.  (Just kidding, I didn’t cry.  I swear.)   

And in conclusion, if I can save just one staining novice from this tragic not-so-stainable-wood-filler-catastrophe, then it was worth it.  I’m just a martyr for the cause.  You’re welcome.  

A Farm Table of Our Own: Construction Phase

After the arrival of my trusty sidekicks, er, parents, we got down to business.

Thank goodness for Ana White!  With her farm table plans as inspiration, we had the perfect starting point.  My plan was to not only build the frame and legs first, but also to paint them before drilling on the table top.  Since my color scheme was literally night and day from the top to the frame, it just seemed easier to keep them separate.

Step one of construction was the apron.  Using saw horses to elevate our work space to a much more comfortable level, the most important part of this step was making sure the corners were square.  To do this we used a, um, square.

That's my Pops and me drilling the apron together

Now, this table required a high level of sturdiness.  It needed to support the pounds and pounds of protein that John finishes off in one setting.  Therefore, we had no choice but to reinforce the apron.  Using 2x2s that were cut to fit the inside of the apron, we channeled Rachael Ray and eyeballed the spacing to about 8 inches between each support.  

As we attached each support by drilling through the apron, we also used the level and square to make sure everything was.......level and square.  

Our pre-made table legs were attached to the corners of the inside of the apron from the sides.  We drilled two screws on each side for ultimate sturdiness.  It's a technical term.  (You could also wait to add the legs until after attaching the top and screw the legs to the top.  I thought it would be easier to paint the frame if the legs were already on.)  

Farm table frame is complete! As you can see, the oh-so-organized garage makes for a fabulous backdrop.

My sweet mother showing off the completed frame. She can even hold a hammer while posing! 

Before adding the table top, I painted the frame.  As previously explained in A Farm Table of Our Own: How It All Started, I decided to take a stab at crackle paint.  

To do so, the first layer of paint was a flat light gray.  After that dried, I slopped on a layer of crackle, and upon maximum dryness applied the final layer: a flat white.  And then the magic crackled away! 

Ohh it looks so...rustic! 

Will your DIY-novice-heroine's rustic farm table dreams be satisfied by her own blood, sweat, and tears?  Stay tuned for the last installment of A Farm Table of Our Own...

A Farm Table of Our Own, or Alternative Title: How It All Started

Part of the reason John and I fell in love with our house the first time we walked into it was because the previous owner was one stinkin’ cute interior designer.  We thought to ourselves—this house is darling!  Look how beautiful everything looks!  (I swear, John described the house as “darling!”) 

It occurred to me after we moved all of our things inside:  hmmm, it doesn’t look as nice as when her things were in here. 

Before we closed, we offered to purchase our favorite piece of furniture, the previous owner’s custom-made farm house table. 

I loved the way the apron and legs were white, but the top was finished a shade similar to the laminate.  It fit like a little glove into the dining “room” (really, it’s a nook).  How could I ever find anything that would look as perfect as that table did?  Please, please let us take that deliciously rustic custom farm table with sweet white tall-back chairs and matching bench off your hands!  Really—we’re doing you a favor! 

As you have probably guessed with the above predictable rising action, her answer was no.  She couldn't part with it. 

Snap. 

Then it came to me.  I could build a custom farm table!  I could find seating to boot!  I could save the day!!! 

I excitedly browsed the interweb for a plan.  And I found one, courtesy of Ana White.  As I couldn't contain my excitement for my very-first do-it-yourself-project-that-was-going-to-come-out-perfectly-this-time, my diarrhea of the mouth quickly splurted out my fool-proof plan to John.  WE can build a custom farm table!  SEEEEE?????  I was talking so fast, he couldn't keep up.  My flailing arms acted out the steps like a game of charades:  first, we buy some wood; then, we cut the wood, then, we put it together like this plan!  It’ll be so easy! 

Forget him!  My parents are coming to town in three weeks!  I’ll tell them of my fool-proof plan!  You can imagine my excitement when my dad loved my idea…and he was going to help me!  (Thank goodness, because I didn't know how to use a drill or tape measure). 

With Ana White’s plan as a starting point for inspiration, I talked to my father almost every day for the next couple of weeks, straightening out the kinks in our plan.  My job was to purchase the wood, stain, and paint supplies before he and my mom arrived.  He would provide the power tools, screws, and saw horses. 

Step One:  Purchase Wood for Table Top

Upon a recommendation from a guy we know who does wood-working as a hobby, I did not purchase wood for my table top from a home improvement store.  Instead, I went where the pros go:  to a local wood supply company. 

I pulled up to a giant warehouse in an industrial park.  I walked in, the lone non-commercial customer.  The monstrous building was filled from top to bottom with pallets of different cuts and kinds of wood.  Men in hard hats and fluorescent vests were driving fork lifts.  I strolled in and the record screeched to a halt.  A man wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and Timerland-style boots approached.  The conversation went something like this:

“Can I help you with something?”  (with an undertone of, honey I think you walked into the wrong place) 

“Ummm yeah.  Ummmmm I’m here to buy some wood.” 

Man stares blankly at me. 

I blink. 

Cricket, cricket.  Cricket, cricket. 

“What kind of wood?  For what?” 

“My dad and I are building a table.  I want it to look rustic.  With lots of knots and imperfections.  I want to get the wood for the table top here.” 

“OK…do you know what type of wood you want?”

“Ummmmmm Ummmmmm Ummmmmmm Ummmmmmm………” 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back with your dad?” 

Cricket cricket. 

My inner-monologue snapped me into reality:  I am a lawyer!  I passed the bar exam!  I speak in court on a daily basis!  I am not a coward!  I am not some idiot girl! 

“No, I can do this.” 

The nice flannelly-dressed wood supply guy suggested Poplar.  It was inexpensive, yet sturdy and knotty.  It didn’t cost much, he said, because most people want wood with no “flaws” in it.  “It’s like they don’t want it to even look like real wood.  Like it didn’t come from an actual tree.” 

I gasped.  Those nincompoops!  Flaws give the wood character.  Ah well, their loss, my gain. 

As he helped me choose pieces of poplar, we laid them flat on the ground and measured them, until the width was just over 36 inches.  The perfect size for my farm table.  I would cut down the length to six feet each later. 

And, behold, the $60 poplar table top: 

Boo Ya! 

Step Two:  Purchase Wood for Apron and Legs 

With my parents’ help, we came up with a plan using Ana White’s blue print as a template. 

The table top would be just over six feet long—there needed to be a bit of an overhang from the apron.  The apron would be made of 1x4.  I purchased three that were 6 feet long each.  Two would serve as the length of the apron.  The other piece we would cut in half for the head and foot of the table.  The supports would be made of 2x2.  I purchased three that were eight feet long each.  Pocket change for the untreated lumber. 

After going back and forth between using 2x2 or 2x4 for the table legs, I finally decided on pre-made spindles from Lowe’s.  They looked so finished.  Each leg was about $15, so the legs ended up being a little bit more expensive than I originally planned.  Still, this project was totaling about $140 so far.  In the world of custom made farm tables, this was what the professionals call el cheapo. 

Step Three:  Purchase Stain, Paint, and Wood Filler

Using the previous owner’s table as inspiration, I knew I wanted white legs and apron with a stained table top.  My original plan was to use a dark stain on the top, and then go over it with a white wash to tone it down a bit. 

I purchased this ebony stain.  I suppose the term “ebony” means “black,” but for some reason at the time that’s not what it meant to me.  I picked up a light stain called “pickled white” from Benjamin Moore to use as my white wash.  I also bought more oil-based-polyurethane than my entire neighborhood could use in a lifetime. 

Then, for the table legs and apron, after many weeks of agonizing over the right decision, I decided I wanted to try crackle paint. 

I purchased the crackle and also a flat white latex paint.  

To crackle, you start with a base coat of a darker color, add the crackle, then after that dries paint over in your choice of top coat.  My original brilliant plan was to stain the legs and apron, too, and then crackle over that.  STOP!  Don’t try that at home!  After further investigation, I found this to be a TERRIBLE IDEA.  You must use a latex-based paint, not stain, otherwise the crackle will not set. 

Therefore, I opted for a gray flat paint that was on clearance at Benjamin Moore. 

Crazy as it sounds, my friendly neighborhood Benjamin Moore paint store clerk gave me the same terrified look that John did when I told him I was building my own farm table.  Perhaps it was because I had just made stupid statements about using crackle on stain, giving myself away as a novice. 

“If you want it to look rustic, you’ll have to distress the wood a bit.  Maybe using sandpaper---“

“I’m going to beat it with a chain,” I blurted out, diarrhea of the mouth again, the clerk jumped back in aghast upon hearing my plan.    

What?  You don’t have a giant chain lying around your house?  Doesn't your spouse use chains to fasten large rubber plates around their waist for weighted pull-ups?  Oh….no…guess not. 

Well, my spouse does have a giant, rusty chain that he keeps for such non-violent purposes.  And that was how I planned to distress the table top. 

Now that my end of the bargain has been fulfilled, I patiently wait for my parents’ arrival while dreamily staring at the hole in my house where my soon-to-be-crafted-rustic-farm-table will sit and look perfect.